Can Purell be used as lube?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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