I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
