Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
