Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
