Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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