I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
