just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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