Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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