i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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