I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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