I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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