your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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