It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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