I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
