He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
