Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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