HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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