i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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