I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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