she woke up with a sticky ear
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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