I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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