a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
