You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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