I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
