i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
