he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
