I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
