All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
