then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
