the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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