im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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