btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
