Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
