Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
