If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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