so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
