how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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