fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
