1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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