Sry I called you an 8
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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