I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
