I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
