please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
