I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
