I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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