Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
