I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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