im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
