and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
