you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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