We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
