Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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